


sPAM SQUADDDD

by orphan_account



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alex hates jeffersin, All characters based off of his interpretation, Aromantic, Asexual, Bisexual, Eliza is MoM, Everyone is v gay, F/F, F/M, Gay, Gen, I have no life sos, I need holy water lmao, Inspired by Hamsquad, Jeffersin loves mac and cheese, Lin miranda is a god, M/M, Multi, No typo regets, Other, Others are scarily long xD, Peggu and laf are agender tho, Polyamory, embrace it, first fanfic, nospoilers, so much gay, some chapters are short, too many memes, who even knows anymore
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-23
Updated: 2016-11-23
Packaged: 2018-09-01 14:48:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8628511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: a useless hamilsquad group chat! this is my first fanfic so itll suck but idec so yeahlets be gay together :3





	1. alex makes sex jokes

**Author's Note:**

> nO REGRETS XD  
> I really hope you enjoy! Here are le usernames for referencessss.
> 
> the-tomcat : Alex  
> turtleyyyboi : John  
> devilica : Angelica  
> saltysaltfries : Peggy  
> sweet.potato : Eliza  
> grgwshngtn : George  
> mrthwshgtn : Martha W  
> ihatedisney : Hercules  
> casse*toi : Lafeyette  
> kraftY : Jeffersin  
> GAYmes : James  
> femmy.chucky : Dolley  
> WOMANning : Martha M  
> nope : Aaron Burr (SIR)  
> yep : Theodosia
> 
> aND soon to be more! XD enjoy

_**alexander hamilton** invited  **john laurens, angelica schuyler, margaret schuyler, elizabeth schuyler, hercules mulligan,**  and **Marie-Joseph** **Paul Yves Roch Gilvert du Motier de La Fayette, Marquis de La Fayette** to  **Unnamed Groupchat.**_

**Alexander Hamilton:** yOOOO GAYS

 **John Laurens:** lmao gays

 **Alexander Hamilton:** sTOP BULLYING ME I MEANT GUYS

 **Margaret Schuyler:** 1\. why is this existing 2. UM EXCUSE YOU I AM NOT MALE NOR FEMALE #TRIGGERED

 **Alexander Hamilton:** crap sorry pegs

 **Alexander Hamilton:** but like everyone make themselves usernames plz bc my eyes dont like this long crap

 **Margaret Schuyler:** ^^HINT HINT LAF

 **_Alexander Hamilton_ ** _made their username **the-tomcat**_

 **the-tomcat:** #slayed

_**Margaret Schuyler** made their username  **saltysaltfries**_

**the-tomcat:**??

 **saltysaltfries:** yes?

 **the-tomcat:**...

 **_John Laurens_ ** _made their username **turtleyyyboi**_

 **turtleyyyboi:** noice user pegs :3 <3

 **saltysaltfries:** awwww thx jawn <3333

 **the-tomcat:** wtf john r u cheating on me ?!?!?

_**Elizabeth Schuyler** made their username  **sweet.potato**_

_**sweet.potato:**_ alex hon he is literally dating both of us

 **the-tomcat:** wUT NO I WILL NOT STAND TO BE DISRESPECTED LIKE THIS IN MY OWN HOME

_**sweet.potato** sent  **YOUAREATMYHOUSESTUPID.jpg**_

**_Hercules Mulligan_ ** _made their username **ihatedisney**_ **  
**

**ihatedisney:** oOoOhH #EXPOSED

**the-tomcat: ...**

**the-tomcat:** r00d

_**Angelica Schuyler** made their name  **devilica**_

**devilica:** alex we all know that after years of jawn pining you dont want him to talk to anyone else but calm your tiny balls

 **ihatedisney:** OMFG 

 **ihatedisney:** IM HOWLING

 **turtleyyyboi:** hOLY CRAP ANGELICA DEVILICA IS RIGHT DAMNNN

 **saltysaltfries:** dED

 **the-tomcat:** 1\. WE DONT TALK ABOUT THAT 2. chunky milk face, youve seen my balls and you sure as shit werent saying they were small before so shut up ;;;)))))

 **ihatedisney:** TMI I NEED HOLY WATER

 **turtleyyyboi:** he aint wrong

 **sweet.potato:** tru^^^

 **saltysaltfries:** ew gross stop sex yuck

 **ihatedisney:** w8 what the heck is  up w chunky milk face ??

  **the-tomcat:** im avoiding gender-based slurs for pegs and laf :)

**Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier de Lafeyette, Marquis de Lafeyette** _made their username **casse*toi**_  


**casse*toi:** :,) <333

** saltysaltfries: **  :,) <333

** casse*toi: **  um excuse you please cite me

** saltysaltfries: **  ?

** devilica: **  1. shut up alexander 2. lmao peggu doesnt kno what citing is

** ihatedisney: **  tag yourself im 'peggu'

** sweet.potato: **  im 'shut up alexander'

** the-tomcat: **  you weren't saying that last night ;))

** casse*toi: **  NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW ABOUT YOU ~Sinning™~ WITH MOM

** turtleyyyboi: ** wtf 'mom'

** sweet.potato: ** 1\. FUCK YOU ALEXANDER DAMNEDILTON 2. HELL YES BITXH I AM THE FUCKING MOM #NEWSUBCULTUES #SCREWDADDY #MOM #KINKSHAMERSBEGONE

** devilica: **  iM YODELING

** ihatedisney: **  TAG YOURSELF AGAIN IM 'FUCK YOU ALEXANDER DAMNEDILTON'

** devilica: **  IM 'HELL YES BITXH'

** saltysaltfries: **  DESPITE THE FACT THAT ALEXANDER FREAKING FITE ME HAMILTON WAS MORE RESPECTIVE OF LAF AND IS NON GENDER NESS AND DIDNT USE A GGENDER-BASED SLUR IN COMPARISON TO MY FORMER SOSTER THAT OM DISOWNING IM '#KINKSHAMERSBEGONE'

** turtleyyyboi: **  im '#SCREWDADDY'

** the-tomcat: **  you did that last night already ;)))

** turtleyyyboi: **  OMFG ALEX

** devilica: **  I JUST FUCKOJG FELL ON THE FLOOR 

** saltysaltfries: **  #StopAlex2k16

** ihatedisney: **  IM GONNA COMMIT

** casse*toi: ** "IM GONNA COMMIT". Said by Hercules Mulligan. Manhattan, New York. 2016. 

** casse*toi: ** ** ^^THATS ** how you cite, peggs

** saltysaltfries: **  oh cool

** the-tomcat  ** _made the chat name **sPAM SQUADDDD**_

**ihatedisney:** thats some good shit right there

** the-tomcat: **  ^^eliza when she first saw my dick

_** everyone ** _ **** _** except for the-tomcat ** _ _  left the chat _

** the-tomcat: **  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	2. introducing.. THE OTHER GROUP CHATS

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sPAM SQUADDDD isnt the only group chat :3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao im too excited about this account so two updates in one day  
> Dont get used to it <3
> 
> the-tomcat : Alex  
> turtleyyyboi : John  
> devilica : Angelica  
> saltysaltfries : Peggy  
> sweet.potato : Eliza  
> grgwshngtn : George  
> mrthwshgtn : Martha W  
> ihatedisney : Hercules  
> casse*toi : Lafeyette  
> kraftY : Jeffersin  
> GAYmes : James  
> femmy.chucky : Dolley  
> WOMANning : Martha M  
> nope : Aaron Burr (SIR)  
> yep : Theodosia

**sweet.potato** added  **saltysaltfries** and  **devilica** to  **Unnamed Groupchat**

**sweet.potato:** since we have our spam squad chat, we should have a sister chat! :D

**sweet.potato:** CRAP NO

**sweet.potato:** I MEANT SIBLINGS OMG PEGGS IM SORRY IM STILL NOT USED TO YOU BEING AGENDER ;-;

**saltysaltfries** _made the chat name_ **gossip whippersnappers**

**saltysaltfries:** shhh eliza my sweet sister is okay we all make mistakes :) <3

**sweet.potato:** :,) <3

**devilica:** are we not gonna talk about the name? wtf peg

**saltysaltfries:** i wasnt gonna say gossip girls bc that would be lying to myself so whippersnappers is tHE ONLY LOGICAL CHOICE MUDDAFUCKERS

**devilica:** okay god calm yoself

**sweet.potato:** i could hear the strain in your voice as you tried not to type 'tits'

**devilica:** screw you idk if peg wants that

**saltysaltfries:** sadly i cannot mask the fact that i have tits so it would be fine. having tits doesnt mean i have a gender <3

**devilica:** okay thanks for clarifying love <333

**sweet.potato:** wth angie im the nice one eXCUSE

**devilica:** you wish

**sweet.potato:** ;-;

* * *

**turtleyyyboi** added  **sweet.potato** and  **the-tomcat** to  **Unnamed Groupchat**

**turtleyyyboi:** eliza made a schuyler sibling chat so im making a polyamory chat! <3

**sweet.potato:** aww sweet jawn

**the-tomcat:** eliza can you come over

**sweet.potato:**?? why bae???

**the-tomcat:** um no reason

**the-tomcat:** just that like

**the-tomcat:** well

**the-tomcat** sent  **seeforyourself.jpg**

**sweet.potato:** OMG

**sweet.potato:** HOLY CRAP

**sweet.potato:** IS THAT A KITTEN OMFG

**turtleyyyboi:** dude alex i thought we werent gonna tell her

**sweet.potato:** KDJWUFI9EOWHFHFH MEOW MEOW MEOW MREW MEW TRMW MRIWE MRONR CATS

**the-tomcat:** im sowwy john but like

**the-tomcat:** i need someone to get it food

**sweet.potato:** where?? did you?? find this little angel?? can i steal it??

**sweet.potato:** AND OMG I WILL GET IT 59838 BAGS OF CAT FOOD LETS GO ILL BE THERE IN TEN MINUTES MY LOVES

**turtleyyyboi:** o.o is she actually leaving

**the-tomcat:** idts lets ask peg

**the-tomcat** added  **saltysaltfries** to  **Unnamed Groupchat**

**the-tomcat:** is eliza w you?

**saltysaltfries:** no lmao she literally shrieked before dropping her phone and freaking sprinting out of the apartment squealing the whole time

**saltysaltfries:** it was the funniest FUCKING thing ive EVER seen

**the-tomcat:** holy crap shes actually going

**saltysaltfries:** going to what?

**turtleyyyboi:** scroll up

**saltysaltfries:** OMG YOU HAVE A CAT IM COMING OVER NOW ASSHOLES

**saltysaltfries** left  **Unnamed Groupchat**

**turtleyyyboi** made the chat name  **polygon squad**

**the-tomcat:** iM YODELINGG

* * *

**the-tomcat** added  **saltysaltfries, ihatedisney, casse*toi, turtleyyyboi, devilica and sweet.potato** to  **sPAM SQUADDDD**

**the-tomcat** sent  **catconvo.jpg**

**ihatedisney:** WHAT YOU HAVE A CAT OML LAF AND I ARE LEAVING RN

**casse*toi:** wtf no

**ihatedisney:** i will give you 5 blowjobs

**casse*toi: ...**

**casse*toi:** hEY ALEXANDER MY MAN WE R COMING OVER RN

**devilica:** omg so thats where eliza and peggy were going lmao herc come and pick me up on ur way

**ihatedisney:** yas queen lets go

**the-tomcat:** shit okay im gonna have to be Cat Dad™ now i guess thx guys

**turtleyyyboi:** hOLY FUCK IM DYING

**turtleyyyboi:** ELIZA JUST SHOWED UP WITH TWO BAGS OF CAT FOOD, FIVE CAT TOYS AND A FUCJING CAT TOWET THING I CANY EVEN RN GOD HAS VLESSED ME TODAY I AM #BLESSEDAF #SOMUCHHOLINESS #IMNOWSTRAIGHIT

**devilica:** TAG YOURSELF IM '#BLESSEDAF'

**ihatedisney:** IM JOHN BEING SO NOT STRAIGHT THAT HE DOESNT EVEN KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT LMAO '#IMNOWSTRAIGHIT'

**casse*toi:** IM 'GOD HAS VLESSED ME'

**the-tomcat:** im 'A FUCJING CAT TOWET' as well as NO YOU ROTTEN JAMBA JUICE YOU BETTER NOT BE STRAIGHT BC YOU ARE MY FREAKING BOYFRIEND AND YOU WILL LOVE ME IF IT KILLS YOU

**saltysaltfries:** im a mix of '#SOMUCHHOLINESS' and 'YOU WILL LOVE ME IF IT KILLS YOU'

**sweet.potato:** im IN LOVE WITH THIS CAT

* * *

 

**GAYmes** added  **kraftY** and  **nope** to  **Unnamed Groupchat**

**GAYmes:** hi

**kraftY:** hi

**nope:** hi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY FOR THIS SIN XD  
> i love how different madison/burr/jefferson chat is than the others xD i hope you enjoyed!!!


	3. the w8ers+sinners

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically just focusing on the Jefferson/Madison/Theodosia/Burr chat for now <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hOlY cRaP i have too much free time SOS  
> i ship too much crap
> 
> the-tomcat : Alex  
> turtleyyyboi : John  
> devilica : Angelica  
> saltysaltfries : Peggy  
> sweet.potato : Eliza  
> grgwshngtn : George  
> mrthwshgtn : Martha W  
> ihatedisney : Hercules  
> casse*toi : Lafeyette  
> kraftY : Jeffersin  
> GAYmes : James  
> femmy.chucky : Dolley  
> WOMANning : Martha M  
> nope : Aaron Burr (SIR)  
> yep : Theodosia

**nope** added  **yep** to  **Unnamed Groupchat**

 **nope** **:** this is my gf theodosia please dont make her gay

 **yep:** wtf aaron

 **nope:** its happened before dont ask

 **yep:** o.o

 **kraftY:** oOOOOOH BURR GOT HIMSELF A GORL FINALLY

 **kraftY:** theodosia how do you feel about burr not having a single stance on anythin????

 **GAYmes:** babe thats rude

 **kraftY:** what? Its tru

 **yep:** lmao he has a damn good stance when we havin sex

 **nope:** wth theo?!

 **yep:** no regrets babe <3

 **kraftY:** theodosias cool

 **kraftY:** unlike you burr

 **yep:** 1\. truu 2. call me theo

 **yep:** unlike aaron who for some reason will not let me call him a-a-ron, i love nicknames and also im not a quivering pussy

 **GAYmes:** thomas just fell off of the couch omfg sos

 **yep:** there is nothinf i said that wasnt completely serious it is all true

 **kraftY:** IM DYINF A-A-RON YES BURR THATS JR NAME NOW A-A-RON

 **yep:** biatch thats always been his name who the fuck r u kidding ayyyy lmao

 **yep** sent  **oldpicofaaronbeingasleep.jpg**

 **yep** sent  **ihavenoregrets-hereisburryawning.jpg**

 **yep** sent  **hereisburtnothavinganopinion-ohw8-thatshimallthetimelmao-getrekt.jpg**

 **yep** sent  **andburrbeingbored.jpg**

 **nope:** i am being abused by my own girlfriend i feel hurt

 **GAYmes:** burr its okay we love you anyways :3

 **kraftY:** lmao speak for yourself jemmy

 **GAYmes:** i usually do

 **yep:** dayum roasted

 **nope:** theo do you love me

 **yep:** no

 **kraftY:** DAYUMMM

 **yep:** who the ruck is this 'me' asshole i love aaron burr

 **nope:**...did you just make a joke about that oml i thought u were trying to break up with me 

 **GAYmes:** i was so depressed for a sec like OTP crushed

 **yep:** aww jemmy we r your otp???

 **kraftY:** wtf dude how are we not your otp

 **GAYmes:** tommy its rude to be ur own otp ok

 **kraftY:** WELL ALEXANDER DOES IT TOO

 **nope:** when you do something wrong do you always blame it on alexander?

 **GAYmes:** pretty much so

 **yep:** w8 is there some beef going on bewteen them?

 **kraftY:** HOLY SHIT IM DYING

 **kraftY:** 'is there some beef' YES THERE IS INFINITE AMOUNTS OF BEEF ONA. SCALE FEOM ONE TO TEN TBERE IS 1800 POUNDS OF BEEF BETWEEN ALEXANDER FUCKING STUPID BOLOGNATILON AND I

 **yep:** but like why hes pretty chill

 **kraftY:** OH HELL NO HE IS NOT OKAY HE IS RUDE AND OPINIONATED AND A FREAKING JERK AND UGLY ASFAND A CRUSTY ASS BITCH

 **nope:** o.o

 **GAYmes:** thomas calm down its okay we all know you hate hamilton

 **yep:** wow okay i want to see how bad he is for myself

 **kraftY:** I HOPE FOR YOUR OWN SAKE U NEVER HAVE TO SEE HIM IN PERSON FOR UR PERSONALL WELLBEINF

 **GAYmes:** they really hate each other

 **yep:** im scared tbh

 **nope:** this is normal

 **kraftY:** alexander HAMILTOB IS A FUCHAKIFIEIOFIWI

 **kraftY:** hi guys its james i took thomas' phone away and hes not allowed to text anymore so night

 **yep:** night lmao

 **nope:** theo wanna sleep over

 **yep:** hell yeah

 **yep** made the chat name  **w8ers/sinners**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idek sos stop the sin  
> On a totally unrelated note, how does one make it so only this note shows up and not the first one i did?? Like im confused?? #n00b??


	4. the cat is introduced

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bunch of cat fangirling/boying/nonbinarying

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im like 99% sure this is never gonna have a plot xD
> 
> the-tomcat : Alex  
> turtleyyyboi : John  
> devilica : Angelica  
> CrustyMilkFace q: Peggy  
> sweet.potato : Eliza  
> grgwshngtn : George  
> mrthwshgtn : Martha W  
> ihatedisney : Hercules  
> casse*toi : Lafeyette  
> kraftY : Jeffersin  
> GAYmes : James  
> femmy.chucky : Dolley  
> WOMANning : Martha M  
> nope : Aaron Burr (SIR)  
> yep : Theodosia

_You have entered_ _**sPAM SQUADDDD** _

**saltysaltfries:** this cat oml im living

**saltysaltfries** sent  **tinykittenbean.jpg**

**sweet.potato:** peg why are you texting us im literally right next to you

**saltysaltfries:** bc i can -.-

**the-tomcat:** daaayuummmmm crusty milk right there

**saltysaltfries:** damn right rotten juice ass

**saltysaltfries** changed their name to  **CrustyMilkFace**

**ihatedisney:** dEAD

**devilica:** ive always been dead

**devilica:** bUT THIS CAT BROUGHT ME BACK TO LIFE JFC ITS SO SWEET

**casse*toi:** whats its name, alexander?

**the-tomcat:** we havent decided yet

**ihatedisney:** OMG 

**ihatedisney:** LETS HAVE A VOTE OKAY I PUT IN THE NAME WILLOW

**casse*toi:** awww herc thats such a beautiful name <3

**ihatedisney:** <33

**casse*toi:** my name for her is John-Catherine Rosalie Tiana Skye Felicia du Feline, Cat de Grace.

**devilica:**...

**devilica:** wtf

**sweet.potato:** JFC NO OUR POTATO IS NO5 HAVING A FREAKISHLY LONG NAME LIKE YOU IM SORRY MY CHILD

**turtleyyyboi:** wth is up w john being her first name ?????!?

**casse*toi:** IF MY FATHER WHEN HE THOUGHT I WAS A BOY NAMED MY FIRST NAME A GORLS NAME THEN THIS CAT IS GOING TO SUFFER THE SAME FATE ≖‿≖

**CrustyMilkFace:** wait lmao whats ur first name laf

**devilica:** their first name is Marie

**CrustyMilkFace:** OMG

**CrustyMilkFace:** THATS THE BEST THING EVER IM SCREAMINGGGG

**devilica:** yeah i know

**devilica:** im right next to you lmao youre deafening me

**CrustyMilkFace:** #noregrets

**CrustyMilkFace:** also I put in the name Sam

**devilica:** i put in bobarina

**sweet.potato:** i like catherine, laf, so ill go w catherine for a compromise xD

**casse*toi:** awwwwr :,)

**the-tomcat:** john and i say Julianna

**ihatedisney:** why cant john say his himself??

**the-tomcat:** lmao you dont want to know ;))

**casse*toi:** TMI

**devilica:** KILL THE SIN

**CrustyMilkFace:** lucky ;-;

**sweet.potato:** wtf peggy i thought you were asexual

**CrustyMilkFace:** nah i just like making ppl uncomfortable

**CrustyMilkFace:** sex is gr8

**devilica:** HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU KNOW

**devilica:** WHO HAD SEX WITH MY SIBLING

**CrustyMilkFace:** mOVING ONNNN

**CrustyMilkFace:** i vote Catherine

**casse*toi:** fine -.- catherine

**sweet.potato:** catherine :33

**ihatedisney:** im sticking w willow

**sweet.potato:** the options are willow or catherine bc i deem it to be so rotten peaches :))) <33

**sweet.potato:** for catherine, say 1 and for willow say 2

**sweet.potato:** 1

**ihatedisney:** 2

**casse*toi:** 1

**turtleyyyboi:** 2

**CrustyMilkFace:** 2

**devilica:** 2

**casse*toi:** wth peggu you said catherine earlier -.-

**CrustyMilkFace:** i changed my mind Deal With It™

**the-tomcat:** 1

**ihatedisney:** WILLOW WON :DDDDDD

**casse*toi:** excuse me no i wont accept this

**casse*toi** added  **grgwshngtn** and  **mrthwshgtn** to  **sPAM SQUADDDD**

**casse*toi** sent  **cutekitty.jpg**

**casse*toi:** catherine or willow for this cute little angel

**grgwshngtn:** What is this?

**grgwshngtn:** Why am I here?

**devilica:** hi mr washington its angelica

**grgwshngtn:** Hello, Angelica.

**devilica:** we r trying to decide on a name for alex's new cat so catherine or willow

**grgwshngtn:** Catherine.

**mrthwshgtn:** def catherine.

**the-tomcat:** i love the difference bewteen georges and Martha's texting styles lmao

**grgwshngtn:** Excuse me? Did I give you permission to call me by my first name, Alexander?

**ihatedisney:** dayum roasted

**sweet.potato:** that was gr8 George

**grgwshngtn:** Thanks, Elizabeth.

**sweet.potato:** plz call me eliza :))))

**grgwshngtn:** Okay.

**the-tomcat:** WHY CAN SHE CALL U GEORGE BUT NOT ME EXCUUUUUSSE ?!?!? 

**grgwshngtn:** Because I like her better.

**casse*toi:** 1\. catherinE WINS JUICE EBOLA ARMS 2. LMAO EVERYONE LIKES ELIZA BETTTER THAN ALEXANDSR LETS FACE IT :33443343426352618 GET REKT SCRUB EMBRACE YOU R CATHETINE LITTY WHILE YOU CRY YOUR TIBY LITTLE HRARTEAART OUT mWAHahhahahahh!!!! !!!

**mrthwshgtn:** TAG YOSELF IM ':33443343426352618'

**grgwshngtn:** Martha, what is 'TAG YOSELF'?

**turtleyyyboi:** 1.IM 'CRY YOUR TIBY LITTLE HRARTEAART OUT' 2. Tagging yoruself is basiclally just saying ehat you relate to :3 3. Damn marsha on all of the trends

**sweet.potato:** y is marthas username mrthwshgtn and georges grgwshngtn? Is marthas name Martha Washigton??

**mrthwshgtn:** we didnt set these usernames thomas did

**grgwshngtn:** I guess I'm 'EMBRACE YOU R CATHETINE LITTY'

**grgwshngtn:** Also yes, Thomas gave these to us. Spelling errors are to be expected.

**the-tomcat:** lmAO TRUE THOMAS IS AN UNEDUCATED LITTLE ASSHOLE WHO DOESNT KNOW ANYTHING AND HE DESERVES A CRUEL AND BRUTAL DEATH BECAUSE ALL HE DOES IS WALK AROUND WITH HIS CRUSTY APPLE JUICE FACE AND HIS 5 MILE HIGH HAIR AND HIS MACARONI LOVING UGLY MOUTH AND JUST DISGUSTS EVERYONE AROUND HIM AND I FEEL LIKE ANYONE WHO HAS TO LOOK AT HIM SHOULD HAVE THEIR EYES BLEACHED BC HES SO DAMN UGLY AND JUST EW

**sweet.potato:** omfg

**casse*toi:** SCREAmmInGGG

**grgwshngtn:** Calm down, Alexander Bolognailton. You were basically just describing yourself with that anyways, minus the macaroni loving.

**CrustyMilkFace:** I FELL OFF THE COUCH AGAIN OMG GEORGE W THE ROASTTTSSSSS

**devilica:** dEd

**mrthwshgtn** sent  **laughingemoji.jpg**

**casse*toi:** Okay then im leaving to go pet catherine lmaooooo

**casse*toi** removed  **grgwshngtn** and  **mrthwshgtn** from  **sPAM SQUADDDD**

**the-tomcat:** dID HE JIST COMPARE ME TO THOMAS JEFFERSON IM DONE OKAY RIP ME 'IM GONNA COMMIT' SAID BY HERCULES MULLIGAN. MANHATTAN, NEW YORK. 2016. BYE

**ihatedisney:** awww thanks for citing me :))))

**the-tomcat:** any time herc :))))))))))

**the-tomcat:** ELIZA WANNA COME OVER 

**sweet.potato:** who the hell r u kidding im already here

**turtleyyyboi:** wtf

**sweet.potato:** you have a cat

**sweet.potato:** why would i leave 

**the-tomcat:** truuuuuu

**the-tomcat:** wanna ~Sin™~

**sweet.potato:** hell yeah lets go

**devilica:** WHY AM I HERE 

**CrustyMilkFace:** bc you aromantic af and we talk about sex a lot

**ihatedisney:** ^^^^^tru af

**casse*toi:** ^^^^^^^^^^

**devilica:** fair enough ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mEOWWWWWWW :3  
> Ill prob update soon so jussssstt casually WAIT FOR IT WAIT FOR IT


	5. peggy has a cRuShHh

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> peggy meets a girl at starbucks and discovers how gay she is :))))

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I SHIP IT <3
> 
> the-tomcat : Alex  
> turtleyyyboi : John  
> devilica : Angelica  
> CrustyMilkFace : Peggy  
> sweet.potato : Eliza  
> grgwshngtn : George  
> mrthwshgtn : Martha W  
> ihatedisney : Hercules  
> casse*toi : Lafeyette  
> kraftY : Jeffersin  
> GAYmes : James  
> femmy.chucky : Dolley  
> gotmyreddresson2nite: Maria  
> WOMANning : Martha M  
> nope : Aaron Burr (SIR)  
> yep : Theodosia

_You have entered **sPAM SQUADDDD**_

**CrustyMilkFace:** KLONDIKE BAR SERIAL KILLERS

 **CrustyMilkFace:** I MET THE HOTTEST GIRL TODAY 

 **devilica:** oOoOhHHHhhHhhhh who is it ;))))

 **CrustyMilkFace:** her name is maria reynolds and sHE FIBNEEEEEE

 **sweet.potato:** omfg

 **sweet.potato:** does she have long dark curly hair and usually wears red?

 **CrustyMilkFace:** umm idk about the outfit thing but yeah to the others

 **sweet.potato:** nOoOoOoO

 **the-tomcat:** WHAT OMG PEGGY WHY HER

 **CrustyMilkFace:**????

 **the-tomcat:** I DATED HER

 **CrustyMilkFace:** W8

 **CrustyMilkFace:** IS SHE THE ONE THAT YOU CHEATED ON ELIZA WITH BUT SHE FORGAVE YOU BC SHES A REALLY NICE PERSON

 **the-tomcat:** ummmmmm

 **sweet.potato:** alex is wallowing in his sins rn but the answer is yes sadly

 **CrustyMilkFace:** um well this is gonna be awkward

 **devilica:**?

 **CrustyMilkFace** added  **gotmyreddresson2nite** to  **sPAM SQUADDDD**

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** hAI BRONCHITIS FACES WASSUPPPPPPPP

 **ihatedisney:** hi

 **casse*toi: '** hi'. Said by Hercules Mulligan. Manhattan, New York. 2016.

 **devilica:** 'hi'. Said by Hercules Mulligan. Manhattan, New York. 2016.

 **ihatedisney:** i love you guys so much

 **sweet.potato:** <3

 **CrustyMilkFace:** hi maria!!!! its peggy

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** omg hiiii is this your Revolutionary Squad™

 **CrustyMilkFace:** heck yeah :D

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** :3

 **CrustyMilkFace:** :)

 **the-tomcat:**...

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** hello

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** who are you

 **the-tomcat:** Alexandra Damnilton

 **ihatedisney:** hOLU SHIT

 **ihatedisney:** OMFG

 **ihatedisney:** yODELLLINGG

 **turtleyyyboi:** oml alex nO im Too Gay™ for that

 **sweet.potato:** ebola nose, you are dating me and im female

 **turtleyyyboi:** LiEs

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** holy crap

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** hamilton?!

 **the-tomcat:**..no ???

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** omg im dying HI BABE HAVENT SEEN YOU IN FOREVER WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING SINCE WE BROKE UP YOY SALTY CANCEROUS GOATEE MAN

 **casse*toi:** fUCK YES SLAYYYYYYY

 **turtleyyyboi:** okay peggy i love maria now

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** ;)

 **the-tomcat:** JAWN REALLY I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME IM BREAKING UP W YOU AND GOING TO MY WIFE GOODBYE 

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** what?? Didnt turtle boy just say he was dating potato girl??

 **the-tomcat:** polyamory -.-

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** oHhHhHhhH

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** im guessing turtle boy is john, the boy you were always muttering in your sleep about and constantly texting and stalking on social media

 **devilica:** EXPOSEDDDSD

 **sweet.potato:** hi im eliza schuyler the girl he cheated on with you

 **sweet.potato:** send me a picture of you so i can deem it forgiveable or not

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** omfg im so sorry i was such a freaking whore back then rip me im sorry

 **gotmyreddresson2nite** sent  **oddselfie.jpg**

 **sweet.potato:** dAmNnN ALEX ALL IS FORGIVEN SHE BANGIN

 **casse*toi:** she wanna be banging peggy ;)

 **CrustyMilkFace:** wtf laf ?!

 **devilica:** oml

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** i would tho ;))))))))

 **the-tomcat:** #PeGgRiA

 **CrustyMilkFace** sent  **blush emoji**

 **CrustyMilkFace** left  **sPAM SQUADDDD**

 **sweet.potato:** LAF REALLY 

 **turtleyyyboi:** poor peggu

 **ihatedisney:** jfc laf

 **casse*toi:** ;-;

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** crap did i embarrass them shittt brb

* * *

 **_gotmyreddresson2nite_ ** _made a conversation with **C** **rustyMilkFace**_

 _ **gotmyreddresson2nite:**_ peg im so sorry i shouldnt have assumed anything im sorry and i hope we can still be friends

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** peg??

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** peggy?!?

 **CrustyMilkFace:** will you go out with me

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** THANK GOD I THOUGHT U WERE DEAD AND MAD AT ME

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:**...w8 wut

 **CrustyMilkFace:** will you go out with me

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** wait your into girls when i said that and you left i thought you were only into boys or nonbinarys omg

 **CrustyMilkFace:** nope im into everything

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** in that case freaking yES I WOULD LOVE TO GO OUT WITH YOU YOURE FREAKING GORGEOUS AND I LOWKEY JUST WANT TO KISS YOU UNTIL MY HEART STOPS BEATING

 **CrustyMilkFace** sent  **comeonthen.jpg**

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:**??????

 **CrustyMilkFace:** my apartment

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** oOhhhhhhhh

 **gotmyreddresson2nite:** coming over rn ;)

 **CrustyMilkFace:** ;)

* * *

_You have entered **Gossip Whippersnappers**_

**CrustyMilkFace:** HOLY CRAP MARIA IS OVER HERE AND OML SHES GORGEOUS AND I LOVE HERRRRR

 **devilica:** yasss peggy lets go

 **sweet.potato:** peggy go get some ;))))

 **CrustyMilkFace:** im going to ;;))))))

 **devilica:** WHAT NO MY INNOCENT SISTER WTH

 **CrustyMilkFace:** byeeee :D

 **devilica:** nO

* * *

_You have entered **W8ers/Sinners**_

**nope** sent  **alexanderhasacat.jpg**

 **GAYmes:** omg its so cUtEEE <3

 **yep:** aaron honey where are you ???

 **nope:** alexander/johns house

 **yep:**??????? i??? thought you guys??? were frenemies????

 **nope:** alex invited me so i came

 **GAYmes:** ik he and thomas are in like some blood feud or something but if i muzzle him can we come over ??? please???

 **nope:** idk ill ask

 **nope** added  **the-tomcat** to  **W8ers/Sinners**

 **nope:** scroll up

 **the-tomcat:** 1\. omfg this chat name though 2. NO THOMAS IS NEVER ALLOWED IN MY HOUSE EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVET YHE MACRONI LOVING UGLY MOUTH DOESNT DESERVE TO BE  NEAR MY SWWEEEETT LIL BAB CATHERINE NL NO NO NO NO NO0000000000

 **yep:** im guessing thats ^^^ alexander?

 **the-tomcat:** who????? are you????

 **yep:** theodosia, aarons girlfriend

 **the-tomcat:** how does it feel to be dating an opinionless bald man?

 **GAYmes:** omg literally what i said though^

 **yep:** its weird sometimes but like i use him for sex mostly so its gr8

 **nope:** wtf theo

 **yep:** jk bae luv ya

 **the-tomcat:** you guys are actually pretty cool theo and james you can come over

 **kraftY:** wtf alexander 'macaroni loving mouth' you do realize macaroni is also just a generic term for pasta right? stupid uneducated man-child.

 **the-tomcat:** IM SCREAMING

 **the-tomcat:** OKAY YOUR USERNAME IS LITERALLY A PUN OUT OF A CRAPPY MAC AND CHEESE BRAND EVEN IF MACARONI ALSO JUST MEANS NOODLES YOU STILL EAT MACARONI THE MOST DONT EVEN TRY TO PRETEND YOU SQUISHY MOLD BANANA

 **kraftY:** exCUSE YOU KRAFT IS AMAZING

 **the-tomcat:** ALSO 'STUPID UNEDUCAYED MAN-CHILD'?!?!??!?! I. HAVE. A. LAW. DEGREE.  AND. A. LITERATURE. DEGREE. AND. A. BACHELORS. DEGREE. I AM MORE SMART THAN YOU AND IM NOT A MAN CHILD AT ALL I HAVE A GOATEE AND I HAVE SEX WITBH TWO PEOPLE MALE AND FEMALE DAILY AND I AM LITERALLY DRUNK 70 PERCENT OF THE TIME DONT EVEN TRY I AM MORE MATURE THAN YOU WILL EVER BE

 **yep:** hOLY SHIAT THOMAS YOU GOT RoAsTeDDDDDdddDDdD

 **kraftY:** WELL EXCUSE ME I HAVE A LAW DEGREE AS WELL AND IM LITERALLY WASHINGTONS VICE PRESIDENT?!?! ANDD I WRITE FOR HIM DAILY??!?!? AND YOUR GOATEE IS UGLY AS FUCK!!@@ ALSO IDGAF ABOUT YOUR THREESOMES I AM COMMITTED TO my lovely boyfriend James Madison love you so much babe <3 UNLIKE YOU WHO CANT CHOOSE BETWEEN SWEET BEAUTIFUL ELIZA AND BASICALLY YOURSELF IN A MORE ATTRACTIVE BODY?!? IF I DATED ANYONE WITH YOUR PERSONALITY I WOULF KILL MYSELF???? BEING DRUNK DOES NOT MAKE YOU MATJRE IM ONLY DRUNK 60 PERCENT OF THE TIME GET REKT! I AM WAY MORE MATURE AND ALSO I AHGDUWISK UP AP FL

 **kraftY:** hello, alex! Its james. i just stole thomas' phone and i currently have him gagged with a towel. if i muzzle him, make him swear not to talk, and not let him do anything but look at the cat and wont even let him in the house, can we come over?

 **the-tomcat:** :////////

 **kraftY:** ill bring you 1) every single box of noodles he owns for you to do with as u wish 2) his Uber friend code

 **the-tomcat:** HELL YEAH HES INSTAGRAM FAMOUS FOR SOME REASON SO HE GOT A DAMN GOOD FRIEND CODE LETS GO COME OVER MY NEW BFF JAMES IM ADDING YOU TO THE HAMILSQUAD GROUP CHAT YOUR MY NEW FAVORITE PERSON :DDDD

 **GAYmes:** kewl :D

 **yep:** aaron just picked me up and brought me to ur housr alex its very nice

 **** **yep** sent  **catherinekitty.jpg**

 **nope:** awwwrrr

 **the-tomcat:** aw my little baby cat <3

 **the-tomcat:** ****OMG JEFFERSON IS HERE HE LOOKS SO FREAKING STUPID I LOVE IT

 **the-tomcat:**...shit

 **the-tomcat:** catherine loves him NO MY CHILD STOP HES EVIL

 **the-tomcat:** fuuuuuuuck :/

 **the-tomcat** left  **W8ers/Sinners**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Im??? Thinking of making a fanfic where alex falls in love??? With angelica instead???? Would anyone read it??????
> 
> Also for some reason some people like this xD tysm for the people that comment, kudos, and bookmark it!!!!

**Author's Note:**

> *CRINGE*  
> I hope you enjoyed even tho i didnt xDDDDD  
> next one prob coming out next week or whenever im boreddd  
> bai!  
> And thanks to whomever made 'Hamsquad'!! Go check that out, bc thats what sinspired me to make this (lmao sinspired].


End file.
